Universal Basis

It's ironic that there are so many issues that people say they care about and want to do something to cause positive change. Many times the basis of the dynamic crosses into other realms and creates its own set of chaotic disruptions and fear. But when we start examining the elements, it all comes back to the same "bacteria" - abuse.

No matter what label we put on the abuse, whether it be sexual harassment, bullying, domestic violence, domestic abuse, slavery, discrimination, extortion, or fraud, it comes down to the same dynamics and motivating factors.

Why

The motivating factors are essentially

• need for power (control);
  
• feelings of inadequacy,
  
• envy,
  
• jealously (neediness); or
  
• just perverse focus on self gratification (narcissism).
  

Tools of the Trade

Some of the tools of trade are creating a false nest so that the target will believe they have a trusted friend or ally. It helps to have charisma in some way, whether good looks, talents or skills that the target is lacking, and a dulcet voice. Those attributes are woven into flattery geared toward inducing trust. And they will trade on the relationship between them and their target in order to further create a bond built on a sense of security. When something goes wrong, the target believes there's a valid reason for self doubt when things happen not ordinarily part of a trusting relationship. And there is the logic that is spread over every transaction (usually circuitous in nature) that gives a warped reason for why the abuser is entitled to their actions while the target has done something that is incomplete, inadequate, or not proper.

If the target resists the initial efforts at logic or self doubt, the abuser will resort to threats of punishment in some manner. This can run the gamut from removal of privileges, destruction or barring access to something that has meaning to the target (no matter how minimal or simple), bombastic behavior (such as shouting or slamming things) that induces fear of violence. If the resistance to these efforts continues, the abuser will move into the next phase, destruction of the target's associations and reputation.

The Timing

The abuser is patient. In fact, they will use their "courtship" period to build a bond of trust. Whatever amount of time it takes to build the illusion of trust and confidence is necessary to begin the next phase can be dedicated to that mission. Rushed courtship is failed courtship. The prey will escape. During that courtship, and even before they hone in on their target, they are evaluating the practices and personality characteristics of their target to develop just the right attraction and staying power.

Just Like Family

In a familial relationship, we are constantly told that family is where one derives the greatest amount of safety and security; trust of family members should be extremely high. Why we have dynamics of child abuse and incest are not explained; the illness is buried under other matters in order to distract from the harm that befalls the victim. And besides that, there's the old adage of not airing one's dirty laundry - the family secrets. So we turn a blind eye to the familial betrayals and disappointments. To the rest of the world, there is consummate loyalty - defend the family member to the death.

But after the front door is closed, all manner of horrors occur. They can be physical, mental, psychological, financial. Here are the first areas of attack for disrupting meaningful efforts to obtain employment and self sufficiency. Attempts to earn an education and good grades are sent into destructive areas. Homework assignments disappear only to resurface days after the due date. The grade for the assignment is either lowered or given an incomplete. After a time, the classwork is so far behind that it no longer makes sense to continue the course.

The target is forced to do things in a certain order, to maintain organization to extreme heights of integrity - to the point of obsession. 

Having friends come to visit is next to taboo. In fact, the abuser will not allow friends to visit. If the target seems to gain too much popularity, it is possible they will get out of control, start thinking for their own self, and defy the abuser. That means outside relationships must be discouraged at any cost. But the best way to succeed in discouraging relationships is to defame the target in some way - dissuade others from associating with the target because they have done something that is too offensive. The taint too horrible. This is also known as the period of isolation.

Then There's at Work

There are work relationships where we are told that the manager has their team's best interests at heart. As a leader, that is the manager's responsibility.

Managers aren't above being abusers. They've simply transferred their abusive style from the home to the workplace. Somehow, they charmed the recruiter and the interviewers into not seeing the first glimpses of an abusive personality. And they have succeeded in sidestepping the dangerous state of being reported as an abuser. With no criminal or abusive record on the background screening documentation, they're in a prime position to get hired. Once in a managerial position, they nearly walk on water as far as who's word has more weight in evaluating a situation where a worker has complained.

It's Everywhere

The same principles apply to volunteer organizations, government, churches, schools. The sickness, like the flu, simply gets transferred from one place to another without regard to location nor anything else. Abuse by any name is still abuse and it's universal as to its application and manifestation.

Additional Reading:

• Be Careful When the Worker Gets Quiet
  
• Battered Woman Syndrome
  

What October 1 Means

An email from one of the officers of the Los Angeles chapter of California Staffing Professionals reached me today. The subject line read "What does October 1 mean to you?" I had an immediate visceral reaction to the heading. I began reading it; my next reaction was not as acute but still strong. The message related to the deadlines approaching on October 1 in which employers need to provide various notifications to their employees.

In case you aren't aware, my first path was law. After being in support positions for many years, I was able to appreciate that work and realize I needed more challenge and more knowledge. Those introductory years were useful for making the decision to sit for the LSAT and apply to law schools. After more than a year and a half of attending law school, disruptions happened that caused me to have to leave. The evaluation period before making the applications was useful for focusing on a specialty and why. But there were detours that needed to happen in order to enrich the future and make a more insightful practitioner and counselor.

Law is like breathing for me; it gives me life. It propels me where little else (except music) does. Law loves me and seduces me to return to it. Where I initially planned to be a either a transactional law or tax lawyer and engage in public interest law as a social mandate in my private life, it appears the reverse is actually my path. If only I could slice through the jungle of barriers that would make re-entry possible.

But back to October 1 and what it means to me.

What October 1 means to me is the beginning of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. No matter where we are, we're in a workplace where the need to be aware and sensitive to the issues of violence and safety are paramount. No matter where we are, we're in a workplace where bullying and harassment can become issues. And when it comes to background checks and something bizarre comes up in our reports, be mindful of the fact that some survivors do not feel compelled to reveal that they have that status. What's paramount to them is that they need to get a job in order to pay bills and rent and buy food in order to continue to survive.

There are at least five types of abuse. It's critical to be aware of the dynamics of each of them. Psychological abuse is aimed at shattering a person's self confidence. It leaves no physical scars nor visible maiming but it nevertheless leaves a profound impact on the survivor that makes them question their validity at nearly every turn. Isolation can come from exacting defamatory impressions about the target that discourage others from associating with them. The defamation will lead to failed attempts at gaining meaningful employment as well as social relationships.

Economic and financial abuse will leave the target's financial history tarnished at best. They will find their credit records in shambles. They will be accused of stealing or other financially objectionable behavior. Their assets - and everything they have slaved to earn and amass for their own future - are now in then hands of their abuser. And the abuser (who has access to all of the target's personal identifying information) has managed to take possession of the target's property of every type.

Fear is another tool used by the abuser. They use it with such expert precision. It's useful for trying to avoid more painful situations or just plain pain. Fear of loss of valued things or associations can be a source of instilling a need to avoid pain and suffering.

Pain and suffering goes along with physical abuse. We've all seen images of the black, puffy eyes or the crumpled and twisted nose. We've heard about the objects shoved into human flesh. Some of us have even heard the thumps and bumps on walls and heard the arguments accompanied by screams of pain.

But what about the temporary restraining orders that were quashed by the non-comprehending judge pro tem? That act then left the survivor exposed to any type of harm the abuser decided to exact upon their target. The well-meaning soul who wanted to reconnect the two individuals because the abuser talked about how they regret their past acts. Little do these well-meaning samaritans realize the grief and regret expressed by the abuser is feigned in order to induce betrayal of their target's whereabouts. Therefore, the harm will resume.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month is very important. I wish more people would take it more seriously and not make condescendingly sympathetic sounds that are meaningless. It would be good if people were truly able to relate to how important it is to all of the workers in the work environment, whatever it is.

Sponsored Link:

Reflections of a Domestic Violence Prosecutor: Suggestions for Reform

Battered Woman Syndrome

Whether in the office, at home, in an organization, or just in the public, there is a symptom of stress that can affect everyone in the immediate area. You need to be aware of it and have some ideas about how to effectively handle it.

Battered Woman Syndrome (BWS) has been denounced in courts as not a legitimate excuse for retaliatory acts of violence, self defense, or other acts of violence. It is coming to be known under a different terminology (adult physical abuse is one term) and no longer attempts to have a single term serve the many dynamics that can present when the sufferer reacts to a motivating incident.

The reason you want to be aware of this condition in your role as a hiring manager or recruiter is because instances of bullying can also be considered a form of abuse and very possibly cause a reaction in someone who has survived an abusive relationship and is re-establishing their life.

The condition is real. The sufferer may have succeeded in masking the condition until and even held theirself in denial about it until a precipitating moment. But after a period of successive beratings, torments, insults, and even physical assaults, the person on the receiving end will no longer be able to tolerate the treatment in silence nor brush it off.

There will come a day when the insults to self are too much -- more than the ordinary person can and should tolerate. Or there will be a bump that sends them flying through the air a few inches and releases a flashback of a similar incident that involved flying several feet. A name-calling session will reach saturation point and no more tolerance. The reaction will ensue and seem disproportionate to what others saw. Unfortunately, others do not see the psychological scar tissue that's been building for years and not tolerating the new attacks.

The best way to avoid having some form of BWS erupt in your office is to:

• Maintain a respectful decorum with every person from the lowest part of the hierarchy to the most powerful.
  
• Be certain that everyone in the organization is focused on one vision -- the livelihood of the organization.
  
• Also make certain your safety protocols address the needs and special circumstances of your organization.

Following these three disciplines will not guarantee the most wholesome environment. But generally following these practices will provide the first steps to addressing the many needs and priorities associated with what was formerly called battered woman syndrome.